Jim: 0:00

Welcome to real men hug a podcast for men and the women who love them I'm, jim

Ben: 0:06

And I'm Ben. And

Jim: 0:07

And even though we haven't recorded for a few weeks now. I still remembered our tagline

Ben: 0:13

Same. It's been a little while. I'm glad Jim started the show because all I had to say was, And I'm Ben. But we can't forget the most important line of all,

Jim: 0:24

Real men hug

Ben: 0:25

Welcome to the

Jim: 0:27

Welcome

Ben: 0:30

You forgot that

Jim: 0:31

to the

Ben: 0:39

It has, but the good news is it's only been since September that we released an episode. No, so I mean we didn't miss an entire month. So that's

Jim: 0:50

So we're still both crazy, busy, and you know what? Trying a new format. What if we did 20 to 30 minute episodes and we

Ben: 1:01

the scenes, because not only are we doing 20 to 30 minute episodes, we're also doing random hand

Jim: 1:07

random hand

Ben: 1:08

Ben can't figure out,

Jim: 1:10

That was, that was me drawing attention to the fact that I just slapped my knees again.

Ben: 1:16

Got it.

Jim: 1:17

You know, Ben's gotten new hearing aids, so it's all these new sounds and sensations that you get to hear.

Ben: 1:24

It is so overwhelming and I'm a little bit self conscious as I sit here and record. I'm listening to my voice in my ears with the headphones on and the mic is like crisp and clear and I have the most nasally voice I've ever heard. Ever noticed before. I don't know if it if I always sound like this and it's just registering in my brain Differently, but man, I sound nasally like I'm from the Midwest or

Jim: 1:55

brain, I sound nasally like I'm

Ben: 2:04

So it's not like more nasally now than it has been in the past

Jim: 2:09

or something. So it's not like Like where you're, yeah,

Ben: 2:26

That made editing real

Jim: 2:27

you know what? That might be the first time I'm leaving that in. Cause that'll be like the first time that our listeners actually, you have no idea how many of those I have cut out of previous episodes.

Ben: 2:38

It did make editing

Jim: 2:39

It did make it. Editing a bit of, but we did a good job. we kind of had that rule of just repeat what you said so that you didn't have to try to extract the little,

Ben: 2:48

to extract the

Jim: 2:49

I don't know,

Ben: 2:49

don't know. It was rough. It was really,

Jim: 2:53

like what are the little alien creatures from star Wars that Jar Jar Binks, you know, whatever that,

Ben: 3:03

second person. Somebody else was also comparing me to somebody from Star

Jim: 3:09

Now you're gonna have a complex I There's nothing weird about your voice just to be clear. Some people have a higher pitch voice I think just for you It is gonna be a little bit more on that nasally side You've got like all these structural things with your face and nose and whatever you've had to deal with

Ben: 3:26

true. It makes

Jim: 3:27

unsurprising

Ben: 3:28

we're talking about health today, so this is a perfect segue. I've got new hearing aids. My medicine has been adjusted within the last year.

Jim: 3:39

losing some weight.

Ben: 3:40

been a really amazing year on the health front for

Jim: 3:44

and your health journey.

Ben: 3:46

really kind of knocking it out of the ballpark

Jim: 3:49

gotta take care of yourself.

Ben: 3:50

It's so

Jim: 3:51

And you've been going on like long walks and

Ben: 3:54

Yeah, like eight miles.

Jim: 3:57

Ben.

Ben: 3:58

It's pretty great

Jim: 4:00

Have you gotten lost yet?

Ben: 4:02

Almost, and I say almost because it was just a new park that I had not been to before and I wasn't necessarily lost, but I did have a moment of, okay, Where did I park and how do I get back there? But thankfully it was a relatively small park and I wasn't terribly far away. And on my super long walks, I'm on a path. So if I get lost then there's something pretty wrong with my brain, but I digress.

Jim: 4:35

So I just think about it, it's a prioritization thing, right? The older you get, the more important it is that you're getting out there exercising, eating healthier, because it's ironic, right? When you have more time and more energy and more friends who are of like mindedness, your body is a lot more gracious with you in your, late teens and early

Ben: 4:58

Absolutely.

Jim: 4:59

then you get older and anxiety starts knocking on your door. And for women, it might be paramenopause or different things like that, that you have to deal with all these hormonal changes or your hearing loss, all of that. And then it's like, Hey, by the way, high blood pressure and gout and arthritis and bam, bam, bam, things that make it harder. And you're just sinking into your desk job. How have you found that balance to recognize? hey, I have put on some pounds over the years and made some bad decisions, and I need to make a change. You had this big heart thing happen, and you, you almost left us there for a minute, and so now you're trying to turn that ship around. How are you finding that balance working for you?

Ben: 5:46

What I've been realizing is that there is a time and a place for taking medication to help with some of these conditions. For example, if I have high blood pressure, then perhaps I need to take some medication to lower the high blood pressure. But the endgame cannot be, Let's be on blood pressure medication for the rest of my life. No, it should be let's let this medication be a bridge So that while i'm on the medication I can start getting active Lower the blood pressure naturally start eating better, start lowering things that cause anxiety, start making some of those changes. There was a season in life where I didn't do those things where It was easier to just throw medicine at the high blood pressure to throw medicine at the depression at the anxiety and so all of a sudden, you know, I'm looking at my pill container in the morning and there's just like this growing number of pills that I'm taking and the side effects just get like a laundry list, including the ever so fun audible glitches Exactly, and the brain fog that sometimes would accompany some of the medicines. So for me, it's just been this realization that medication isn't always the answer. It can be an answer temporarily. And it can be a bridge and it's a very necessary thing, but it doesn't have to be the answer, the end all be all. That's been the biggest takeaway, not to substitute things like meaningful connections with people going for walks with good friends. For a long time when I would think about Meaningful connections with people would either involve sitting for long periods of time talking or going out and getting food or coffee and talking.

Jim: 7:56

There's nothing

Ben: 7:56

There's nothing wrong with it, but What I've been realizing is it's just as fun to go for a long walk with a friend too. And so even my wife and I have been doing that. Andi and I went on a date night last week. We went for a walk and it was awesome. Right before sunset and then sure we picked up Greek food on the way home, but we went for a walk first and it was awesome.

Jim: 8:23

awesome.

Ben: 8:29

I'm not going to read things into that Ted. I shouldn't on this non explicit rated show, but

Jim: 8:39

it's important to exercise with your wife. That's all I'm trying to say. Stay heart healthy.

Ben: 8:46

Do you need a medication to do that?

Jim: 8:49

Oh boy.

Ben: 8:50

Sometimes anyway.

Jim: 8:53

I like what you had to say though, all jokes aside that it, I think that as you get older, the more you can involve other people in your health, the better. And that might be like getting on Strava so that you can have a community of other people that you follow and they can see what you're doing.

Ben: 9:11

Are you on

Jim: 9:12

I, my kid actually is on Strava, so maybe I should get on Strava too. Yeah. So it's a way that you can keep track of what other people are doing, or I know some people do the Fitbit competitions. It's just huge, like going on the walks with your wife or, you know, a dear friend or things like that, signing up for a race that you know is coming up can motivate you to do things. I think I feel like community. really is a huge part of it. If you want to lose weight, it's really hard to do it in isolation.

Ben: 9:43

Yeah, it's interesting to me how often I have substituted. pills for people

Jim: 9:51

yeah,

Ben: 9:53

I think there needs to be room for both. I'm not trying to shame those of us who, who do take pills for whether it's a mental health condition, or even to help kickstart weight loss, or if it's a heart condition. Sometimes it is necessary to take those pills, but at the same time, I think we can lose sight of so easily that there are alternatives out there and it may be hard and it's going to take work, but you can get out there and do it. You know, flex your muscles and get some cardiovascular exercise and it'll have the same impact as the pill.

Jim: 10:33

there's a genetic component to that. I am not in the best shape right now, but 100 percent I will have to be on blood pressure medication at some point in my life. It's going to catch up with me as I get older. I'm right on the edge of it right now. I think where you can get yourself into trouble, you know, I've heard stories of someone literally was like, Oh yeah, losing your feet is a hereditary in my family. Diabetes is this hereditary thing that we all get. And then we lose our feet and it's just something that I have to accept. I forget which one type one or type two, but it's like, no, you don't genetically have diabetes. You environmentally have been told to just eat whatever you want. You never actually bother to exercise and eventually you get diabetes and it gets so bad that you lose your feet. That's not a genetics thing. And that's, that's where you can get really into trouble where it's like, Oh yeah, well I have to take this medication because of my diabetes. While that's true, you have eaten yourself into that position where you need to, I obviously there is a room for some of that is a little bit out of people's control, but it's there to help manage something. Let's try to make some healthy decisions along the way so that you don't have like you said. If you're in your 40s barring some genetic smack in the face, it probably is something somewhere along the way that you made some poor decisions that maybe let's On this health journey, try to start making some healthier choices and bring some friends along.

Ben: 12:03

Yeah,

Jim: 12:04

You're looking really good by the way. Just that, that body, just rocking it man. Losing some weight.

Ben: 12:14

thanks. Um,

Jim: 12:16

look good.

Ben: 12:17

Thank you.

Jim: 12:19

So what do you do? When you're struggling to find that balance where you have been really busy with work and there's a lot of like family stuff going on, and maybe you're trying to launch a second career or a new business where all of your free time is pretty eaten up with that thing, and you might have just a tiny shred of time where all you want to do is just Sit in front of Netflix and veg out or eat that bag of chips You know while you play your video game into the wee hours of the night and not get enough sleep What do you do when you're just slammed and exercise and health is kind of the last thing on your mind

Ben: 13:05

For me, I take a look at my calendar and it's funny you say that because this week was very much like that. So what I did when I realized I wasn't on track with my exercise goals for the week and I just wanted to chill. I pulled up my phone and I took a look at my calendar and I saw the things coming up that I needed to do and I just looked for windows of time that I could exercise. I, I said to myself, okay, well, if I can't do it tonight, when can I? Realistically, by the time the week is done. And I saw that. This evening I've got some time that I can work with. And so I just made a commitment to myself. I said, I don't have to do a crazy eight mile walk. It'd be great if I can and awesome if I do. But if I just get some movement in at some point on Saturday, I will feel accomplished and with that thought in mind, I allowed myself to chill and get caught up on a couple of episodes of my shows and I did enjoy, it was a healthy snack. I had popcorn popped on the stove one night and what did I have

Jim: 14:27

Half a stick of butter melted into it.

Ben: 14:29

Nope. It was, some olive oil spray. Nice. Which was actually really

Jim: 14:35

good. Look at

Ben: 14:36

Yeah. And then last night I had a popsicle, like a Organicy Popsicle something or other.

Jim: 14:44

So we just found online for like a hundred bucks. We got an old elliptical that somebody was getting rid of. And that's something that I can, you know, put the iPad on the screen and watch a show while I can do it and watch a 20 minute show. Just 20 minutes a day, do it while you're watching a show and you can get that exercise in, remove some of those barriers. Doing something where you're getting to do something that you enjoy, whether it's a podcast or watching a show or something like that. I really like that mentality of just doing a little bit more than you're doing

Ben: 15:18

Doing

Jim: 15:18

right? So if you're not doing anything and you just go for a 10 minute walk, That's more exercise than you were doing before you're making progress. I have found the older I get, I'm, I'm sick of dieting. I know that sometimes you need to, but what if I just make lifestyle choices that I don't ever have to diet again, because I have made life choices where I don't allow myself to get to the point where I need to diet again. Right. That's where I'm trying to get some of you were already there. Pat yourself on the back. Ben and I are working on it.

Ben: 15:57

Yup. Yup.

Jim: 15:59

What do you think about, I mean, do you kind of try to adopt a similar philosophy?

Ben: 16:03

Definitely. I'm in a phase now where I realized that just to get to the short term goals that I have, I need to move quickly. And so I'm moving quickly and losing weight quickly. Yup. All with this understanding that this is not how it's going to be long term. This is a. A kickstart, this is the rocket fuel that I need to leave the orbit of my current habits and current way of life. This isn't how it's going to be forever, but I need this kick in the pants to get out of what I'm doing that I've been stuck in for so long. So I'm, I'm getting out of that orbit that I've been in for the better part of 10 years. And it is pretty intense, but it's not always going to be this intensity. And when I am out of this rut, then it'll be more of a maintenance mode. And with that maintenance mode, some of the things that I've learned in this hardcore phase I'll carry with me. It's definitely thinking about this from the long game, not just the short term.

Jim: 17:14

One last thing I wanted to ask you, I'm curious, mental health and physical health for me are often really intimately tied together. And the worst that I'm doing mentally tends to be the worst that I'm doing physically. And that sort of is a compounding issue when it comes to that. Talk to me a little bit about how you've seen that change in you as you have had some of these milestones along the way where I don't have to take this medication anymore or I've been taking better care of myself and now I don't have that or sometimes it is getting the right medication like it finally getting the CPAP machine so that I can get a better night's sleep. How has that had an impact on you mentally in this journey that you've had medically?

Ben: 17:57

For as committed as I am to my mental health, there were a few things that I was very much stuck in. And one of them was this sense of bitterness and, resentment towards certain people in my life. And it was just holding me captive. there was this sense of unforgiveness and one of my friends really challenged me to, to work on that. And I told them, well, I'll, I'll work on that once I figure out all of this physical stuff that I have going on, because that's my focus right now. I don't have time to sit down and work through the resentment and the, the mental piece of it. I can't. He challenged me, like, no, I don't think you're gonna make any progress until you sit with this other stuff and really figure it out. And then he challenged me to listen to this audio book on forgiveness. I honestly was annoyed because I'm like, you're not getting it. I'm telling you, I need to figure this physical stuff out first, then I'll figure out the rest. Then I'll deal with all of the resentment that I have and the bitterness and the unforgiveness and everything else. just let me figure out this physical stuff. But he wasn't giving up. whatever, I'll, I'll listen to the audio book. Fine. And he challenged me to listen to the first chapter. So I did. I ended up listening to the whole book because it was just so good. And I found so much freedom in what was being talked about. it's called the book on forgiving and it's by Desmond Tutu. It wrecked me in the best way possible, and it's just helped me see that so much of the Physical struggle that I've been facing. Desmond talks at length about how those who hold on to resentment, it's like poison and it shows itself in inflammation throughout the body. I have had inflammation all over my body, like the gout, the arthritis, the so many different things. There's just been so many Things so many different ways that that's been showing up in my body and it was this unmistakable Connection as I walked and listened to this book. Ouch, ouch. Yep. Okay. Got it. I Understand and it just became so clear to me in those moments that maybe the work really is One of forgiveness and maybe the work really does begin in my head and maybe it really is a deeply connected thing of letting go of those, broken hurt feelings so that it can impact my physical health in ways that I perhaps didn't think it could. So that's my answer.

Jim: 21:19

You holding on to some of those things has a mental weight, but it can give you a physical weight to, you know, pun intended there that can spend so much time focused on what others have that you don't or how other people that have hurt you. That you're hurting your own health and it's not helping anything. It's actually making things worse for you. So if you can let those things go, you're going to be in a healthier place.

Ben: 21:50

Absolutely.

Jim: 21:51

Thanks so much for listening to our show today. We're excited to be back on the airwaves and talking to you really appreciate that you have been dedicated listeners to our podcast. This is your first time. Thanks so much for being here. We hope that you listen next time.

Ben: 22:07

Thanks for listening to Real Men Hug. See you next time. And remember, Real Men Hug, and they also recognize When their friends are right, and they listen to the silly audiobooks, even when they really don't want to.